Excluded
by Al.x.ia
Summary: Bella Swan is seen as a parasite in her school and is stricktly forbidden to talk to by the schools rulers. But aften an accident she starts forming bonds with one the strickt enemies which causes them more trouble then they expected.
1. Chapter 1

"How was school today honey?"

The usual question...With the usual answer of course.

"Fine."

Charlie nodded with a smile and then turned back to the game.

Today had been neither worse nor better than all other days in school.

I went up to my room to start my computer. See i have this need to write what happened everyday. Kind of like diary. Well its not like i have anyone to talk to so i have to write to get stuff off my mind.

_I avoided the girls room like usual but of course they would find me anyways. Today they got to me in the cafeteria. I was sitting by my usual table when i heard the dreaded clicking noise of their approach."Are you sitting here all alone Bella?" Alice said in her disgustingly high voice._

_I just ignored the question and pretended that they weren't even here. "Of course she is sitting by herself Alice, its not like anybody would want to join her" Jessica snickered at Rosalie's comment and continued."If you'd like Bella we could always join you today" I was really trying to just ignore them but it was getting harder for every word that escaped their slutty, painted mouths._

"_Yeah i can even let you borrow my lipstick Bella, I've got just the right color for you!" Rosalie said and sat dow next to me. She started to look through her bag and pulled out a lipstick . She then started painting on my cheek. She was writing something, something terribly funny according to Alice and Jessica..."Aw shit now I have to throw this lipstick away! Thanks freak!" Rosalie said and looked accusingly at me. Then Alice grabbed my cheek and turned my face to read more properly before she realized her slip and quickly dropped her hand and glanced worriedly at Rosalie. It was getting really hard to just pretend like I didn't care. And I hoped that my lack of resisting would get them bored of me. "Ew Alice you touched her!" Rosalie said and looked disapprovingly at Alice. She started quickly to "clean" her hand on a napkin and gave me an accusing look. Like it was my fault . See they had decided that I was some disgusting disease, so if I touched anything no one could touch it until it was properly cleaned cuz "If you touched anything that Bella's touched you would get Bella's disgusting germs all over you and then no one would associate with you 'cuz now you're just as disgusting as Bella." So Of course no one even dared to talk to me. The only ones who did talk to me never had anything nice to say anyways so I would prefer that they would just shut up. Alice started heading for the girls room to wash her hand while Rosalie and Jessica snickered at her stupidity. And then with one last sneer at me they finally left. I let out a shaky breath and slowly stood up and walk out to my usual place and let myself drown in self disgust. When the bell rang I realized that I hadn't washed my cheek from whatever Rosalie wrote on it. I pulled out my phone to look at my reflection and sure it was still there but a bit smeared so I tried to get it off with my sleeve . The lipstick didn't totally get away but it didn't looked like it had been any letters there. So I got off the ground and walked to biology and sat down by my table and tried to hide my cheek with my hair. I saw in the corner of my eye that my lab partner moved away his chair so far away he could and I heard Jessica snicker in the back of the room. She apparently had this crush on Edward and they had been together a few times so no wonder he moves his chair away even though probably anybody who sat beside me would get as far away from me as possible. Gym was Horrible...Of course. They snickered as usual when I went to change in the stalls. Then no one would give me the ball or run to close to me and the coach would call me over at the end and tell me that I had to try to get in the game and that next time he wanted to see me make a goal. I would nod and then lock myself in the bathroom until I didn't hear anyone left in the locker room. Then I would have a quick shower and then change quickly to almost run to my car and drive home._

I wasn't all alone though. I had one single friend. A childhood friend. Sometime I wish that Jake would go to my school so that I would have at least one friend there. But then... what if he would've been just as scared of talking to me like the rest of the school? But it was nice having a friend who didn't knew about what everyone thought of me in school, someone I could feel like any other kid with. If he knew he would just make things worse with doing some stupid shit like ditch his own school to be my private body guard or something like that. I took of my shirt and stared down at my chest. All covered in the thin pink scars I got from my razor blade. I grimaced and put on my shirt again. They were right. I knew that. I had always known that. I was covered in disgusting scars that I had done myself. Nobody does that who isn't seriously stupid and disgusting like me. I went to the bathroom and took my razor blades of the shelf. I locked the door and took off my shirt again and pressed the blade to the skin on my ribcage. Then slowly dragged it to the side. I felt the sting and saw the red blood stream out from the cut. It always fascinated me how much blood it came from such a little cut. I placed the blade on the same spot and dragged it over the freshly made cut. I did this a few times until I was sure that the pain of the wound would distract me enough so I wouldn't start thinking to much. I died up the blood until it stopped bleeding and then put on my shirt and went to bed. My phone vibrated from the bedside table. The text was from Jacob of course. He wondered if I would wanna come to La push tomorrow and "hang out". I answered him that I would come and then I put my phone on charge and closed my eyes to drift into sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up to the screeching of my alarm clock. It really had one annoying sound. I sighed and got out of bed. There was no avoiding the day. I brushed my teeth and looked at my reflection in the mirror. I don't know what it was about me that they despised so much. But maybe it was just me. And that was nothing I could change...

I took a bowl of cereal and when the clock turned 8 I knew I had to get to school or else I would be late. So I got in my truck and drove to Forks High. Well at least I would see Jake today. Just as I got out of the car the bell rang and I hurried to my trig class. I avoided the Girls room. And whenever I heard clicking noise I turned the other way. But I knew that they would get to me at some point of the day. Probably by lunch. The classes went way to fast and all to soon it was lunch...

I ate my lunch and hoping that they would leave me alone this one day. And at the end of the hour I thought that sometimes you were lucky. But I shouldn't have let my guard down that quickly.

When I turned away from my locker I heard them but it was too late. They came towards me with big fake smiles. "Bella!" Jessica called. I stood by locker staring at my boots when they stopped.

"Aren't you in my class now?" I looked up to jessica and nodded. "Yeah did you like the lipstick by the way Bella?" Rosalie smiled sweetly at me. That they had this fake kind attitude towards me was even worse then if they would just detest me openly. "Sure" I mumbled. The last ring of the bell rang in the halls but they made no move to go to class. "Oh I didn't know that you like to touch yourself in the janitor closet?" said Rosalie and raised her eyebrows. Alice and Jessica doubled over in laughter. God how could I be so stupid? Why hadn't I looked what they had wrote before I dried it away? But what would I have answered if I had known it? No I didn't like it at all. Yeah sure...

"Though I understand that you have to do it yourself since no one wants to help you." She continued. Alice and Jessica just laughed harder. "Or maybe you do? That kid from the reservation, I've seen you with him pretty much Bella. You have never told us about him you know, we get curious of course." I didn't answer her, just continued to stare at my boots. "So you don't want to tell us about him?" Rosalie pretended to look offended and Jessica mimicked her. Just pretend they're not here... They are just stupid insecure people who picks on you so that they can feel important.

I chanted it in my head but it was worthless. "I understand why you have to look for someone in the ress to help you since everyone here knows the truth, does the indian know the truth Bella?"

They are insecure, insecure bitches who are to dumb to realize what they're even talking about...

"Maybe we should tell him girls, I'm sure that if he knew he wouldn't spend so much time with her. Poor kid who had been in the dark. Fooled by the freak..." Rosalie shook her head as if it was her fault jacob was spending time with me. And when she said that she would talk to Jake tell him about me. I freaked out. "Don't you dare talk to him." I mumbled trying with everything in me to just leave it. But then her devious smirk came and I knew I was screwed. "Oh why not Bella? What are _you_ gonna do about it?"

"If you ever tell Jacob what you and your sluts say about me I promise you that you will regret it.

You maybe think you are a queen here but out there you wont be anything. Just a stupid blonde whore and that's the only thing you would be able the get some money from since fucking is the only thing you know how to do." I had just exploded. It had just ran out of my mouth impossible to stop. God if anyone would regret something it was me. "Excuse me?" Rosalie said in a frightening tone. Well there was no backing of it now so I lifted my chin and looked her in the eye. "You heard me." But it didn't sound confident. My voice even broke at the end. And Rosalie heard it. And that awful smirk returned. "Yes I did. I'll see you in gym Bella. I have to get to class..."

And they left me standing by my locker completely terrified. For that outburst I would surely be punished, and punished bad. I walked to biology but just I arrived the bell rang and the class was over. That meant it was gym in just a few minutes. I felt a lump in my stomach and the instinct to get in my car was defiantly there. I walked slowly to gym. I could always ditch it but then they would just hunt me up tomorrow... When I entered the room they were already standing by the benches snickering. They quieted abruptly when I came in, giving each other pointed glances.

The lump in my stomach grew and I it felt like I was trapped. I took out my gym clothes and headed for the stalls. I undressed quickly and threw on the ugly clothes. I swallowed thickly as they followed me with their gazes until I left the locker room. They were looking at me all through gym and I knew they were planning something. And I had never been this slow to the locker room before but it didn't matter how slowly I would get there. They would wait. And they did. I went to change and when I got out they were standing there. They didn't say anything so I just waited for it to start.

"Aren't you gonna shower Bella? Or do like smelling like a pig?" I Swallowed and started heading for the showers. When I had entered the room I turned around and they were standing there. Waiting. "Now Bella are you gonna shower or not?" I was not gonna let them see my scars but I had a feeling they wouldn't let me go. "I prefer to shower alone..." I mumbled quietly, but Rosalie just smiled. She picked up her phone ans held it as if she was going to tape me. I felt the lump in my stomach grow so big it was hard to breath. They were gonna tape me. Without my towel, so everyone would see my scars. And more than that. I quickly backed away when Rosalie nudged Alice in the side and nodding towards me. Alice stepped forward and grabbed my towel but I heöd on to it as if my life was hanging on it. When Alice couldn't get the towel off me Jessica came to help her. One I could handle but two of them pulling my towel was to much and just when I dropped to ground and I shrieked, I heard the beep from the phone that declared that it was taping.

I tried to cover myself but they had already seen them. "Look! Bella is cutting herself! Did you see? She had scars all over herself!" Alice squealed. "Ew that's gross Bella." Jessica said as I was backing up in a corner and tried cover as much as I could. Rosalie just taped me quietly and smiling while looking at the screen. "C'mon ladies I think the freak has learned it lesson by now." Rosalie waved them over and walked out. I heard them snickering about how disgusting and gross it was that I was cutting myself until I heard the door close and their voices was cut off. I crawled to my towel and wrapped it around me and started crying. I cried until my chest felt empty and all the tears were gone. Then I got up slowly and peeked out the door. No one there. I walked over to my clothes, happy that they hadn't taken them and grabbed my phone. I had three missed calls. Two from Jake and one from dad. I checked my inbox and there were Six unread messages. I checked the clock and it was half past 5 p.m. I had been here for more than two hours. I called Jake and he answered on the first ring. "Bella where are you? Are you alright? You were supposed to come to me after school and you weren't home either, you know that shit freaks me out Bella and charlie is out looking for you." I sighed and answered him that I had to do some school stuff important things that I had to do today but forgot. He didn't buy it. But he let me be and hung up with a; "You should probably call Charlie Bells bye." I got dressed, really not caring about that I hadn't showered and called my dad. "Bella?" he sounded slightly panicked. But was just him, to get worked up over something so small. "Yeah dad its me and I'm fine don't worry I'm on my way home."

"Where have you been honey? I've been looking for you for almost 2 hours now, where are you?"

"I've been doing some school stuff okay I'm sorry that I scared you, and I've been outside of school the whole time okay?" "Okay I'll come and pick you up just wait outside and don't move okay?"

God would he take it easy? "No dad I'll drive home myself my car is still here, so just get home and i'll be there in ten okay?" Finally he relaxed and hung up. I got out of the locker room and got out. Luckily they hadn't locked the school for the night yet so I could just leave it open. I got inside of my car and drove home. When I opened the door Charlie was there and pulled me to a hug. "Don't you ever scare me like that again Bells! Next time please just text me or something?"

I nodded and told him I was tired and going to bed. "Okay honey sweet dreams." "Sweet dreams dad." Instead of going to my bedroom I went straight to the bathroom and locked the door, pulled off my shirt and took my razor blades off the shelf. I pressed it to my skin dragged the razor blade to the left. Felt the burning sting of the wound and redid it a few times. I was holding the blade in my left hand and as I looked at it I saw the vein under the thin skin on my wrist. It would be so easy. To just end it all. Just cut off that blue vein and it would all be over. I lowered my hand and took the blade in my right hand. Held it to the thin skin and pulled. I started bleeding but not as much as it should. I pressed it as hard as I could and puled again. It was bleeding a lot now but all I felt was a thudding in my arm. I pressed harder and pulled harder and I got really frustrated. Why didn't it work? The thudding had spread to the rest of my body and especially my head. And now was I getting dizzy too. I did one last pull and then I fell hard against the bathtub the the thudding and dizziness started to take over until it all went black.


	3. Chapter 3

I squinted against the light that was coming from above me. Was I dead now? Was this "heaven"?

I tried look around but when I tried to move it hurt. My wrist was hurting extremely so which was weird since I didn't thought I would feel it when I was dead but I haven't been dead before so what do I know? I opened my eyes and I realized that it was a lamp that was shining in my eyes. And judging by the room I was in a hospital. Shit. That meant I wasn't s

dead. That meant that Charlie knew I had tried to kill myself... I looked around in the room and besides one pretty mangled body beside me it seemed empty. Then someone opened the door. Dr. Cullen... "So you've woken up now Bella." He said and I nodded. Every time I came here when I had made a deep wound I always felt guilty. Like I was letting him down. Really stupid I know. Whenever I had a cut it was always he that treated me and he always promised not to tell anyone though I could see how much it troubled him that he couldn't help me more than to sew my wounds... "You'd cut yourself pretty bad this time Bella." He looked down on me and I felt like I was a little kid that just had done something wrong and knew that their parent wouldn't be mad. Just disappointed. "Yeah" I mumbled looking dow on my bandaged wrist. "If you were trying to kill yourself you were close. If your dad hadn't found you so quickly you would've lost to much blood to survive." Dammit I couldn't even kill myself thoroughly. "Bella you know this one you can't hide. Your dad already knows..." He sighed and pinched the brig of his nose. "I'm sorry but you will met our psychiatrist 3 times a week while you're staying here." Shit shit shit! I was gonna have to talk to some know it all bitch who didn't knew a thing and 3 times a week! "I'm sorry Bella but you need help even if you don't want it." I just closed my eyes and just willing everything to disappear.

"You'll be staying here for 3 weeks so we can be sure you make full recovery." I had opened my eyes and saw that he was looking worriedly at my neighbor patient. "What happened to him?" I asked it was just like the Doctor to worry to much over his patients. "He was in a car accident." He swallowed thickly and for a moment I was afraid he was gonna cry. "You know him?" I asked. Dr. Cullen looked down and nodded. "He's my son." well that explained why he was so scared because my neighbor had looked really bad. "Um, is he going to be okay?" Dr. Cullen straightened up and smiled at me. "Yes he will but it will take some time..." "Whats his name?" I asked. He probably went to forks high. "Edward you maybe know him?" Dr. Cullen answered. I stiffened as I realized it was that Edward the Edward who had been together with Jessica the Edward who would get visited by no other than my tormentors. "Oh...Um I know who he is. He's my lab partner." There really wasn't anyone up there who liked me. "Dr. Cullen why am I in this room anyways? I mean I can't be as bad as Edward right?" Dr. Cullen shook his head and smiled like I said something silly. "Bella this is the department for serious injuries." he said and I raised my eyebrows. So what? "Bella your injury is quite serious you could've died you know." I was gonna raise up on my elbows but the motion made my wrist hut so I grimaced and sank back to the pillows. "Does it hurt?" I nodded and he took out a syringe and pored the substance into my right elbow and I could immediately feel the effect of it as my lids started to get heavy and I drifted off to sleep. When I woke up again it was quiet. It seemed to be late since the light had changed from before. I looked over to my neighbor and he was sleeping. He had one of those plastic neck things on and his right arm was broken and heave bandaged. He had bandage on his ribcage to so I supposed he had broke a few of those to. His face had some band aids on. One over his left eye and one pretty large that went from his cheek down to his chin. I settled against my pillows and closed my eyes trying to forget the pain. I was in a heap of trouble. Not only would dad know but Jake too... It wouldn't be nice to have that conversation. Well at least I could use the pain as a get away from talking to them. And people would talk. And when I thought about that I remembered the film and almost groaned. I almost felt sick just thinking about it . The lump reappearing, almost choking me. I looked up at the lamp. It was one of those typical hospital lamps that gave off this blueish light. I could see the dust floating around up there. A muffled sound interrupted my myself-time and I turned back my gaze to my neighbor. He seemed to be waking up. He gave off these weird noises that sounded like he was in serious pain... Maybe I should call on a nurse or something... But luckily I didn't have to because a nurse came in and gave him something that made him quieten and still. When the nurse left I looked over to him again and he seemed to be awake. Slightly drugged maybe... He was looking up in the ceiling, just like myself for awhile ago. He must've felt me looking at him because he slowly turned his head in my direction. He was just laying there staring blankly at me and I was staring right back. Since looking someone in the eye for longer periods made me uneasy I looked away. Maybe I should say something? I mean we were probably going to have be neighbor patients for a few weeks so we maybe should get on speaking terms? I almost slapped myself for even thinking that. He wasn't that gone from the crash that he would talk to _me._ I looked to the other side of the room and started to inspect the furniture when he interrupted me again. "What are you doing here?" He rasped out he sounded horrible. And looked horrible there really wasn't any reason for me to be in same department as him. I just has some blood loss and a little wound on my wrist... Then I realized he had been talking to me, talking to me and even just asked a casual question.. Well kind of casual.

But what would I answer to that? "Um... I've hurt my wrist..." I wondered if he had seen he film yet... If he hadn't I could get away with that answer..."Oh...What did you do?" Shit what am I gonna say now? "It got cut open, lost a lot of blood you know." Please just drop it now don't try to go into specifics... But really why did that matter? I could just tell him to shut up and leave me alone right? I don't need to be nice to him. Has he ever been nice to me? Well he just talked to you... That hardly counts... Okay you're right I could just snap at him if he was gonna get too nosy. I looked over to him and he had continued with the ceiling staring. But I didn't want to stop talking... Just about my privacy... "So what happened to you?" I asked hoping that he would stay being on politely speaking terms with me. "Car accident..." Was that all he was gonna give me? I told him lots of thing! No you didn't... Maybe not but more than he did... If he could be nosy so could I... "Oh...How did that happened?" I was expecting him to just give some boring answer like: I was driving and crashed.

But he didn't. "I was at this party 2 days ago, you know at Jessica's place?" I nodded even though I didn't know anything about a party at Jessica. "Well I got into some shit with this douche Mike who just fucking attacked me for no reason and I wasn't really sober either so that was an ugly fight and then when Jazz starts interrupting and says shit like that I should get home and I just got really pissed at him for stopping me from squishing Newtons face and I got into my car and drove away, pretty drunk and pretty pissed off so then I just kind drives straight into a fucking tree in a really fucking high speed too so I got pretty smashed..." I was a little taken aback by his answer and even felt guilty for not telling him my reason for being here. Maybe that was a Cullen thing? That they made you feel guilty all the time? I looked over to him and he seemed to be waiting for a response.

"Um well that sucks?" God what stupid answer is that. "Yeah it sucks." He snorted.

"So what are you really in here for?" What? How did he knew I had lied? Well technically I hadn't lied because I had got a deep cut... "Um I told you before?" I looked over questioningly at him and hoped he didn't see through me. "You didn't tell how you got that cut you know..." It looked like he was attempting to smile but it came out as a grimace, probably 'cuz it hurt of the wound on his cheek. God it would've been better if I just would've shut up from the beginning. But there was no sneaking out if now. He had already told me everything about why he was here. It was really mean to sneak out it now. But why can't I be mean? Have I ever been mean to anyone? No it was always anyone who was mean to me so why should I even care to be nice to him? Why don't you just shut up and answer him? I sighed and looked up and of course was he still expecting the answer. Not trying to push me with staying silent. "Don't you know by now?" I asked quietly. The lump returning to my stomach again. He made the smallest shook of his head and wanted me to continue.

"Haven't you seen the film?" I asked. He rolled his eyes and sighed. "No Bella will you tell me and stop asking questions?" Did he know my name? Of course he knew my name, but he has just never said it before... And he wanted me to tell him the truth. Maybe just to pass time but who knew? He was kind of the enemy wasn't he? "Why should I trust you?" My voice sounded very accusingly and now I really wanted to smack myself. God was this some action drama where I was the hero who just found a stranger who wants me to trust him when he really is the bad guy... But it was partly true. He would maybe just tell Jessica as soon as he got the chance... "Well thats true but why should I've told you if I wouldn't look pass that?" So he wanted me to stop protecting myself from the people who had hurt me the most? "I'm sorry but this is personal and I don't know you...And you've been together with Jessica." He chuckled at that response for some reason. "Okay then you don't have to trust me but do mind talking to me? Even though i've been together with Jess?"

He didn't seem to understand what they had done to me... He was kind of taking this as a joke and it pissed me off. " No I really don't want to talk to you. You don't seem to get anything 'cuz everything is so perfect and happy in your world but I really don't want associate with anyone who's even touched that slut." He looked at me wide eyed. Probably shocked by my out burst. God why had I exploded like that? Now he wouldn't talk to again and we would have to lie next to each other every day. "I'm sorry... I shouldn't have taken that out on you." He was still looking at me wide eyed and his mouth slightly open. He finally seemed to snap out of it and looked away. "No I'm sorry. I shouldn't have tried to force you to tell me anything. Of course you don't want to tell me anything private, I wont do it again I promise." He looked away and I felt guilty again. Damn the Cullen's and their power to make me feel guilty. "I cut myself, and I cut myself because I wanted to end my life and I didn't want to tell you that because that would be just the kind of thing Jessica would love to hear." I blurted out. The lump in my stomach clenched and I regretted I had told him as soon it had left my mouth. But I couldn't take it back and now he knew. I saw how he slowly turned his head to look at me and thankfully he wasn't gaping or anything just staring at me. "I'm sorry..." I looked up at him and now his eyes were full of pity. I sighed, I really hated it when people looked at me with pity. It only confirmed that it was something wrong with me. "Well what can you do?" I smiled as if it was no big deal. "It really sucks that people believes that shit about you" I snorted at him. "And you don't?" He couldn't deny it. Just a few days ago he had looked at me like I was a freak. He looked down at his hands, looking slightly troubled. " I regret that I did because its really fucking rotten to believe it." "When did you change your mind?" It made me smile that he had. I guess I was just glad that my neighbor patient didn't think that I was a disgusting freak. "Just as I started to talk to you." He sighed. Well now it was his turn to feel guilty. "It really makes me one shitty person doesn't it?" I smiled at him. "Its okay, I don't think you can help it." My smile turned teasingly and he scoffed. "Yeah I guess but i'll be better now on." "Sounds good." I answered. Then the door opened and a nurse came in. She started to talking to my neighbor, asking him I he was in pain. He got something that would help him sleep and then she came to me. "How are you feeling miss Swan?" I said I was fine and I got a shot of the sleeping helper as well. But right before I drifted off to unconsciousness I cleared my throat. "Sleep well Edward."

And I heard a distanced "You to Bella." And then let my lids drop.


	4. Chapter 4

I woke up to some distance voices. When my head started to lose the usual just-woke-up thickness

I could hear it was voices I recognized. It was my dad and Dr. Cullen. I tried to lift my lids and and shook the morning daze off so I could hear what they said but when I moved they quietened.

"Bella honey?" It was my dad. He sounded really worried. Well he had all reason to be. I had probably scared him pretty bad. And for some reason I just wanted to cry on him. My poor silly dad who had to put up with me. I opened my eyes and looked up at him. "Dad, I'm sorry." He smiled sadly at me and patted my cheek. "Don't be honey, but don't do it again okay?" He looked a shade paler as he said this likely remembering. God I was such an idiot. Scare him like that, I can't believe I didn't even think about what consequences it would've been if I had just killed myself like that.

Charlie had always been kind and loving to me. A really great dad and yet I was ready to just leave him for a stupid film...I felt the tears com up and spill over. Charlie looked a little scared, he always got scared when I cried. So I smiled at him through my tears. "I'm fine dad, and I wont do it again I promise." He swallowed and nodded. I thought I saw a little tear sneak up in his right eye. Charlie was never good at showing feelings so if he now seemed a little relieved and a little afraid, he was probably probably relieved beyond words and completely terrified. "You want something to eat? I've brought some sandwiches." "chicken and feta?" He nodded and smiled. He rose from his seat to get them and left the room. Dr. Cullen was still in the room. He seemed to be checking some papers.

"Dr. Cullen?" He turned to look at me. "Yes Bella?" He walked forward to stop by my med and looked down on me. "When will that psychiatrist come?" just the thought of talking to a psychiatrist made my uneasy and I wanted to know when this dreaded meeting will be. " You will meet her this afternoon actually, she's very good i've heard." He said with a smile. Probably trying to ease me. But it didn't work. "Is it really necessary for me to talk to her?" I tried to plead with my eyes that he would cancel the meeting but he wasn't having any of that. "Yes Bella its highly necessary you need to talk to a professional so you can get better and start living the happy life you deserve." He really cared about me I knew that but sometimes it would've been nice if he would just leave me be. I looked over to Edward and he was still sleeping. They seemed to have given him a heavier doze of that sleeping helper. When I looked back up at Dr. Cullen he was looking over to Edwards bed too.

"Are you worried about him?" I asked carefully. The doctor really seemed worried about his son, which was completely understandable of course. He turned back his gaze to me and sighed. "Yes I'm very worried. I didn't know he was capable of doing something like this. I thought he knew better than do drive drunk... And it seemed like he had been in a fight too..." He shook his head.

"I thought I knew him better but apparently not." I snorted, I could bet Charlie felt the same way. I told him so and he smiled at that. "Yeah teenagers have a tendency to keep to themselves."

Then Charlie cam in and we had our Sandwiches, chatting carefully about things that was non related to my injury. But I could tell that there were somethings that Charlie wanted to know. Probably why... God I wished that I would never leave this hospital. Because when I did I needed to get back to school and everyone, and I really didn't want that. "Dad?" Charlie looked up at me with a large bite of the sandwich in his mouth, chewed and swallowed. "Yes honey?" I wasn't sure if I really wanted to know but it was just to ask. "Uh...you know, how many knows about... you know knows what I did?" I looked up at him when he didn't answer. He had a crease between his eyes like as if he was remembering something bad. "Dad?" He looked up and smiled. "Don't Worry Bells its just me, Jake thinks you're sick and so does your school." Shit it would've been better if Jake already knew so I didn't have to tell him. But I was glad that no one on the school knew. "I figured you wanted to tell him yourself, I could get him over today if you want to?" Charlie smiled, thinking that he was doing me favor with not telling him... Well it wasn't his fault I deserved to tell Jacob. He would get furious for what I did, and sad... "No thanks dad I think I want to keep to one visitor today. But maybe tomorrow?" Charlie promised that he would tell Jake to visit me tomorrow. We continued to talk about easy things until it was time for him leave. And when I found about what the clock was I realized it wasn't long until I had to meet my psychiatrist...

I felt rather stiff but when I tried to stretch my arms it hurt and my right wrist had a blood drip stuck to it. "Hey." I looked to edward and he was looking at me. "You shouldn't pull on those you know. I think the nurses will get angry with you if do." I smiled at him. So he had finally woken up then. "Slept well?" I asked and he returned my smile. "Sure but i've been awake for a while now you know... Your dad came to visit you?" "Yeah he had made me some sandwiches." He was looking rather glum, I lifted my lifted my eyebrows and he seemed to understand what I meant. "Its just you know, you and your dad seem pretty close?" I nodded and indicated for him to continue. Because that wasn't an answer. "Well I just wish I was closer to my parents..." Wasn't he and Dr. Cullen close? The Doc seemed like a great dad to me and Edward doesn't seem to be that bad of a son... "You aren't close?" Dr. Cullen seemed to care about him a lot... The way he looked at him was always full of love and concern. "Not really, I'm almost jealous of you since the two of you seem to get along pretty good." And now I felt guilty again like I was stealing his father. "Well he has known about my... situation for a while. He has been as a mentor for me I guess." I bit my lip and glanced worriedly at him, hoping he wasn't angry at me. But he was smiling instead. "Don't worry Bella, I just wish he would listen to me as he do to you." That glum expression from before returned and he started to pick on his nails. "You know in a weird way I wish I was you." His words hurt but I could see what he meant. He wouldn't want to be the part of me that was the freak but he wishes that he would have the same relationship with Dr. Cullen that I have. "Yeah..." My hurt was seeping through but he didn't seem to notice. It was quiet for a long time after that. Both of us being in our heads. I was thinking about how I was lucky in someways. Sure I barley had any friends and I was depressed but I had a best friend and a dad who loved me. I wasn't starving and I had pretty good grades. Sure my life was far from perfect but who's was? Rosalie and her skanks had probably their own problems just like edward had his. For one I don't think they had any friends. I mean the three of them wasn't even friends for real. They hadn't a jacob... And they probably hadn't a brain either. And thinking of jacob made me smile. He was my one true friend. He would always be there for me. This suicide had made me realize how important Jake and Charlie was. Truly if it wasn't for them I wouldn't even try to put up with all the shit that I was forced into. Without them there really wasn't a point to breathing. And I really wanted to call Jake, tell him how much he meant to me.

"Edward do you have a phone?" He turned his head and shrugged. "Not anymore, Carlisle took both the car and the phone as a punishment for my crashing. Though there wasn't much left of the car." I figured "Carlisle" was Dr. Cullen. Well I guess I would just have to wait for tomorrow to go all emotional on him. "You want to call your dad?" Edward was looking at me with a sympathetic expression. Did he think I was such a sucker that I couldn't even live a few hours without my dad? I snorted because I loved Charlie but I was turning 18 in a few months. "No I wanted to call my friend Jacob." He looked surprised by that. Likely not expecting me to have any friends. I rolled my eyes at him. "Yes I have a friend edward." I smiled at him. And now it was his turn to roll his eyes but he returned the smile. "Yeah okay I'm sorry, does he go to our school?" I almost laughed when he said it because no one on our school would befriend me if they really didn't have to. "No have you ever seen me talking to anyone in school?" He looked kind off guilty again an shook his head as much as that plastic thing would allow him. Well it was nice to know that I could make him feel guilty too. "No he's from the rezz." He looked like he was about to say something but a nurse and and an unknown woman entered the room. "Miss. Swan this is your psychiatrist and since you two need privacy were going to move you to a more private room." I nodded and looked over at edward who looked a little worried and mouthed 'good luck' to me and I smiled. The bed had wheels so she rolled me out of the room with bed and all. We finally stopped in an empty room and the nurse checked me and gave me some more painkillers and then she left me with the woman. I swallowed and looked up at her. She was looking at me, more inspecting me actually. "So Miss. Swan, what's your first name?" I answered her quietly and while she asked me the basics I was looking at my hands the whole time. "So...Isabella." "Call me Bella." I said instinctively. She gave me a look that clearly said don't interrupt me again. "_Bella, _do you know why you're here with me?" Yes of course I knew that was she stupid? "Yes..." "It's because you need help. And I'm going to be that help for you. I'm here for you." Yeah bla...bla...bla... "So Is there anything you want to talk about before we start?" I shook my head, her little speeches was starting to get seriously annoying and i'd just been here for seven minutes... "Okay then Bella why don't you tell me something about yourself? What you like to do What you don't like do you favorite things and such stuff." I would be stuck here for quite the while and she wasn't going to stop talking so maybe I should answer her...

"Well I really don't like talking to you..." The smile I gave her didn't get returned, but she didn't looked angry either... "Well Bella why is that? Do I make you uncomfortable? Or is the questions you're afraid of? Or the answers?" I almost rolled my eyes. What did she think? That I was some nutcase who was in serious need of her help? She had seen way to many movies...

"Yes I would rather just stay in my bed than talk to you because I know it wont change anything and it's just a waste of both of our times." She still didn't look angry...She was tough but I was tougher so it would be she who would end up running out of here, not me. "Well Bella that depends...If you want me me help you I can, but if you refuse my help I cannot force it upon you."

She says : Well Bella a whole lot... Maybe its a psychiatrist thing to say well all the time.

"Wait does that mean I don't have to be here?" I probably looked a little to happy by her sour look, but if I could, I would walk out her in a heart beat. I wanted to get back to my department with my neighbor... "Well Bella you have to for 4 sessions then you wont have to ever again if you dn't want to... And you have to come to these 4 sessions because they're already paid." What when did charlie do that? Does he know that I'm seeing a psychiatrist? "Eh... Who's paying?" Who ever it was that paid this is going to get their money back... "Dr. Cullen of course he such a nice man. I can't believe that he just pays four sessions for a patient..." She looked deep in thought and when she had talked about the doc she had a tiny smile on her face and I was quite positive she had a little crush on the Doc. I mean I could see where she comes from, I mean he sure is good looking and very nice...(Except to Edward...) Well he wasn't mean either but he didn't seem to really show Edward the attention he needs. I mean even though he's soon 18 years old, you always want someone to be there. Like when you're a kid. "Bella? Bella are you listening to me?" I looked up and she was sighing and shaking her head. Well it wasn't my fault that my mind wandered away to better things... "Bella, we are here to talk and that's exactly what we're going to do now okay? So where were we before we started talking about you not being here. Yes that's right! So Bella why do you think this is so unnecessary? Is it because you already have decided not to cooperate? Because if you have this is fruitless but if thats not what's bothering you then what is it? You know I'm here for you, only you. You can say what ever you want to me I'm going to help you 2 hours a week in a month now and I hope that you'll feel satisfied when you leave this room because that is what this is about! You, feeling better so you can continue with you life happy and secure..." Well I'm not gonna force you listen to the rest. She continued like this for the rest of the "session" and when I finally came out of there they had given edward something to make him sleep so we couldn't talk anymore. I had wanted to tell him about my psychiatrist, we would've laughed a little and I could get rid of the tension I got from talking to that idiot for 2 hours. Because I did got tense. Especially when she asked something or assumed something that was spot on. But instead I asked for a shot of sleeping aswell and hit the pillows. I would talk to him tomorrow. And I would meet jake tomorrow. Could it be better? Well of course it could duh... But for being me it was very good. I felt all bubbly in my stomach and light. I guess I was just excited to meet Jake... And to talk some more to edward. And thinking of edward as my friend made me smile and the bubbles just bubble a little more.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Okay hey guys I just wanted to tell you all some stuff here ^^ Well firstly thank you to **

**my 4 precious reviewers. And well I've noticed that many of you have added my story as favorite story and such things. But why don't you review? I love reviews they're my motivation for writing. I know I haven't updated In awhile. I've been on vacation but now i'm back and I hope that you will review more then ever before :) because reviews are the best! **

**So here's chapter 5 hope you enjoy! Bye ^^**

I was standing in the bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror. When did I come back here? I noticed that there were blood everywhere. On the floor on me on mirror. And when I looked down I was pressing my blade to my wrist. And I was pressing really hard and blood really poured out of the wound. And it hurt. God it hurt really much. And then I started to cut more my wrist. Why was I doing that? Stop for gods sake! But it was like I couldn't control my hand it just dug deeper and deeper into my left wrist.

I jerked up and opened my eyes. I wasn't in the bathroom anymore. I was in hospital but my wrist hurt an awfully lot. And I realized why. I must've rolled on my wrist because I was lying on top of it and it was mashed between my body and the bed. I quickly rolled off it. I hoped the cut hadn't opened again. It felt like it though. I guess my brain forced that dream upon me so that I would wake up. I really had a mean brain. He could've done something else... Why was my brain a he? I don't know it just felt like it. Though I don't think brains have genders. But it was just a dream nothing to worry about. Except that my wrist may be re injured... Maybe I should call for a nurse. It was very dark in the room so it was quite hard to find that friggin' button but I searched the right side of the bed and felt it. I pushed the button hard. Starting to get desperate for painkillers. I wasn't sure anything had happened but then the door opened and a nurse came in. She rushed to my bed and asked what's wrong. "It's my wrist I haf rolled on top of it in my sleep and now its hurting really bad." she nodded and inspected my wrist. She started to take off the bandage and after a few layers we saw the blood stains. She unwrapped my arm quickly, and my wound was bleeding. She had some beeping thing and another nurse came in. she had some pads with her. They cleaned my wound and put on a new band aid and a new bandage. I winched when they did it. The bandage was tightly put on and the pressure hurt. Thankfully they gave me some painkillers. When they were sure I would be fine they left. It was very quiet, must be late... Or early. I tried to look for a clock but didn't find anything. So I just continued to lay there in the darkness. Staring out into nothing.

I let my mind wander since I couldn't go back to sleep. Today Jake would come. That was good. He probably would go berserk when he found out the reason I was here but then when that was over we could just talk. Have fun. And I wouldn't meet Mrs. stuck up today either. A good day for being me.

"Are you awake?" I smiled. So he was awake. "Yeah." I answered him. I wonder if I woke him up.

"Did I wake you?" We were whispering. Probably because it was so quiet. It was just like an instinct to whisper when it was so quiet around you. Really we could probably talk how loud we wanted to. "Well yes but I don't mind. How's your wrist?" I shrugged but realized he couldn't see it. "It's okay. I got painkillers so its better now." My eyes had started to adjust to the darkness and I started to see some shapes. I could see him now. A dark form on the bed next to me. All of his bandages almost glowing in the dark because of the contrast. "What happened? One moment I was sleeping and then you started wining and the nurses came running." I heard the smile in his voice and I smiled too because it was kind of comical. Really smart of me to sleep on my wrist even if it were in my unconsciousness. "Well I kind of were laying on my wrist and all my weight on my wrist made wound open again." "Ouch, real smart of you." I chuckled "Yeah I thought so too."

"How was your psychiatrist meeting?" I sighed god I hoped I could force Dr. Cullen to cancel them all. "It sucked, she was standing there rambling on how she was there for me if I needed to talk and all of those lines that is so used that she seemed to have learned everything she knew from crappy psychiatrist series." I heard him laugh at that and I smiled. I think I could call Edward my friend but I would only do it in my head. "Well poor you that sounded awful. That she was there for you." First I thought he was serious but I then I heard the sarcasm seep in at the end and I snorted. "Well it _was_ annoying and stupid. It's just a waste of time for both of us." I noticed that the room had gotten slightly brighter. I looked out the window and it had started to lighten outside. Instead of black it had started for a blue grayish color and a little orange behind the trees. "Well I think she only means well Bella. You could just try you know. Try to talk to her and if it didn't work then it didn't. You can't loose anything in trying." I rolled my eyes, seriously? Was he saying that I should talk to that stupid woman? Telling her about my whole life? I don't think so. "Oh come on Edward I thought you were the only one who agreed with me." This was impossible. I would have to convince jake to agree with me. And I had a feeling he wouldn't do it very easily. "Well it's just... You know you need...help... You know so you don't want to do that"He nodded towards my hand and continued. "Again. I mean she's there to help you and you should use that help for your benefit." He seemed slightly nervous as he said this. Probably of my reaction. As much as I would just want to laugh at him or get annoyed at him because he was talking like all of those who didn't knew a shit but instead I was touched. Even though I knew that woman couldn't help me he wanted me to try. He wanted me to be helped and that made my stomach warm. "Thank you." I don't think there was anything else that needed to be said. It was enough. He told me he cared and that was really enough for me. "No problem." I snorted at that, that wasn't really a fitting reply to what I said thank you for. But it was either that or 'you're welcome' and that's silly to. "What are you laughing about?" I didn't realized I had laughed until he said it. "Just a bad joke. Nothing you want to hear."

He replied with a laugh and we continued to chat easily until the dawn turned to day. Now everything had it normal colors and the hospital had woken up and you could hear phones ringing and people walking outside. I wondered when Jake would come I hope he would soon. It felt like ages since I met him. "Do you know how much the clock is?" I asked edward but he shook his head. "Nope, there's no clock in here. Maybe we could get a nurse." I smiled. I bet they wouldn't be happy that we pressed the emergency button because we wanted them to tell what the clock was.

But edward pressed the button and when a stressed nurse came he politely asked what the clock was. She looked confused first. Wondering were the emergency was. But then she shook her head and took out her cell phone. "Eight thirty "she answered and Edward nodded and said that's all. Then he turned to me. "She said it was eight thirty." I rolled my eyes but smiled anyways. Then I probably could get Jake over here soon. He wasn't a morning person so he would probably be sleeping until ten but he would probably rush over here as soon as he woke up. "You're friend's coming today huh?" I nodded and smiled. "Jacob, he'll probably be here in a few hours."

He smiled at me. "How long have you known him?" I sighed. A happy sigh of course. "For ages, His and my dad were friend when we were only babies so really my whole life." "well not when you were in your mommy's stomach." I snorted. "That was the worst joke i've ever heard." He laughed. "Maybe I shouldn't be a comedian then." "You think?" He smiled but put on an offended face. "That hurts me Bella. That you think that way. I've dreamed of that my whole life." "Well not when you were in youre mommy's stomach." We both laughed but was cut off by a loud bang. I don't know if Edward jumped but I sure did. I looked quickly at the door and coming through the door is no one else than my jake coming. Bed head and wrinkly clothes and all. I couldn't stop my smile by then. He was here, my jacob. My whole body warmed at the sight of him. He was just wonderful. I wanted hug as hard I could but all of these drip things made it impossible to move.

"Jake!" I held up my left hand in a motion that meant I wanted to hug him. And he smiled and hurried over. He sat down on the edge of the bed and picked me and hugged me so hard it felt like my ribs would broke. I only hugged him with one arm though and he noticed. "What's wrong with your hand Bells?" We had broke from our hug but he had stayed on the edge of the bed. This was going to be the hard part. And the warm feeling in my stomach turned and it felt more like a bubbling stone there. That was a weird metaphor but anyways. "Well its injured." I thought I should start soft. Easing him into it. He rolled his eyes. "Yeah I can see that. Your one unlucky bastard Bells not only did you get sick but you hurt your wrist too." He was smiling at me the whole time and I really didn't want it to fade but if I was telling him, and I was. It would die and probably be gone for a while. "I'm not sick Jacob..." I couldn't look at him for what I was going to say so I kept my eyes on my hand as I continued. "And I hurt my wrist myself, on purpose." I glanced up at him and he was looking at me with furrowed brows. He looked like he was about to ask me something so I continued. "You know that day when I was supposed to come to your place and when I didn't come you started calling but I didn't answer any of your calls." He nodded and looked down. He seemed to be understanding that this conversation was going somewhere very unpleasant. "There was this thing that happened to me after gym and it made me stay inside of the locker room for two and a half hours. " He was clenching his jaw and looked like he wanted to hit something. "Bella... i'm not sure what you're saying here but if I'm not mistaken... Are you saying that something that happened to you made you do that to yourself." He had motioned to my hand as he said it and his voice were shaking slightly. I nodded. He didn't know yet that I wanted to kill myself only that I wanted to hurt myself. I maybe would tell him. When he had calmed down. He pressed his hands hard into eyes and then he got up. He was standing with his back turned to me. Saying nothing. He continued to stand like that and just breathing. Suddenly I realized that Edward must've seen everything and I turned my head He was to having his back turned to me. He couldn't sleep could he? He maybe just was giving us privacy. I looked back to jacob and he turned with one last exhale. "Bella... Did you try to kill yourself?" H stood there looking numb and I was afraid of what my answer would give him for a reaction. "Yes... And I regret I did. I was so caught up in how I felt that I completely forgot about you and dad." It hurt to say that but it was the truth. When I was there in the bathroom I hadn't given one thought about them. Okay maybe a little but I wasn't sane at that moment. I was so far down in my own darkness that I forgot about the few lights I had. "I'm so sorry Jake." I said and looked up at him. He was still just looking blankly at me. Even if he was furious with me he didn't show. I wanted him to. I didn't know what he was thinking if he would hate me forever or forgive me and hug me as hard as it would go or if he hit me in my face just do something. I felt my tears come up and I wiped them away quickly but jake had already seen. God why was _I_ crying? But I cried. Because if there's anything that I should take my life for is it for Jake and Charlie and I was ready to just give them up because of those bitches. I will never let them have that power over me again. Jake and dad meant everything to me and if that wasn't worth living for then what is? I looked up to jake through my tears begging him to forgive me. "Please Jacob you're the best thing that's ever happened to me. You're the best friend a stupid egoistic teenage girl ever could have." I know that sounded stupid but I didn't care. And as I turned back my gaze to his eyes I saw them soften. "Bella..." And now his eyes teared up too. He hurried to me and hugged me even tighter than the last time. It felt like he was choking me but I was loving it. He forgave me, and I just wanted to cry on him so I did. "You stupid stupid girl. Don't you ever do that again. You're the worst friend ever." He whispered in my ear and I hugged him tighter. "I'm so sorry Jake." I whispered back and he kissed my temple and rubbed my back. We sat like that for a while. Just holding each other. I really loved him. He was like a brother to me. He and Charlie. My family. It was small but it was the best. It made my eyes tear up again. "I love you jake you're the best ever."

I felt him tense up first but when he realized in what context I meant I love you he eased and hugged me tighter. "Love you to Bells even though you were ready to leave me alone here."

I smiled and nuzzled into his neck. We sat like that foe hours it felt like. We didn't pull away until Jakes phone buzzed. It was hid dad, billy who called. He said he should gt home for food now. Jake left with a promise that he would come back tomorrow. I felt colder when he left. He was always so warm and since he'd been hugging me the whole time, so my body had warmed up. I pulled up my cover up around me and pulled my kneed up so I was as small as I could. Since I had woken so early I felt tired and I closed my eyelids almost dozing off when I heard a voice. "Bella?" It was edward he was whispering maybe checking to see if I was awake. "Yes?" I whispered back blinking the tiredness off of my eyes. "I just... you okay?" I nodded, yeah I was more than okay. And Jake would come back tomorrow and then we could just chat carefree about nothing at all."You and you're best friend seem pretty close." I wasn't sure but sounded like he emphasized the word best friend. And he sounded a little off to. "Yeah were close. He's like a brother to me." Edward snorted."He seemed to see you as more than a _friend_." This time I was sure he said friend different.

"What are you talking about?" He was looking at me almost accusingly. "No it's just if you're dating him why didn't you tell me?" I gaped at him. He thought me and jake were lovers? "excuse me but jake and i are not dating!" "I bet he wishes you did." Why is being such a jerk? God I wanted to slap him but these drip things are always in the way of course. "Just shut up Edward you don't know anything about me and jake." The warm happy feeling I had felt before was now gone. He looked like he was about to say something so I pressed my button and a nurse came in. I told I wanted to sleep. She gave me a sleeping shot and just before I dozed off I gave edward a glare. Idiot. The only ones I really could trust in this world was Jake and Charlie the rest could go to hell.


End file.
